Three Clowns and a Crisis

The United Nations is looking a little less united, as the delegate of the USA boldly declared at a Press Conference at WHO, that “peace is not our agenda.” We weren’t made aware that the UN had updated its mission statement to ‘global instability, but make it collaborative’. Or we suppose these countries working together really do not give a damn about world peace anymore.

The delegate of India (confirmed to be gay… check out “Gay Panic!”), seems to be impaired with his hearing, for after being asked thrice about the same question, the delegate could not comprehend it, (or maybe it was just the nervous shivers, having just come out as gay a couple seconds before). When the very kind press delegate framed the question simple enough for a toddler to understand, “Where were the refugees replaced”, he responded with a vague, “around the nations”. To confirm whether he referred to Sudan or his imagiNATIONS, press once again asked him to specify (for what was like the hundredth time). He listed all but India, when HE is the one aiding refugees. A fumble or a blunder, I guess we will never know. 

But what we do know is that WHO plans to only implement a ceasefire for a 35 day period and let everything go to hell after. And what we also know is that the delegates are better liars than journalists themselves ;). When asked to elaborate on the ‘better infrastructure  plans’, which the delegate of India mentioned in his speech, he said, “I did not mention that”, when his whole committee lies a testament to that statement. However when explained it seemed that the delegates' solutions are only limited to a 35 day period, and they have not even considered the threats to the area once ceasefire ends. They really couldn’t give a rotting onion about what happens after their so-called 35 day “grace period” if they tried.

Upon being asked to switch places with Canada, because his speech was not prepared, the delegate of Germany responded by saying, “it took me only one minute to write and prepare it”. Delegate, I hope you realise that one minute is more than enough time for a country to be bombed and civilians to be killed. But worry not, we are sure we could find a way to freeze time and give you a minute to prepare your speech, afterall, “at the end of the day” you did speak one. 

While the ceasefire may be achieved, we have a feeling the brain cells may remain MIA. 

Yours truly,

Anini Zittu and Adiddy Upiddly

The Onion