Chairs, we are here for you

We could not have sympathized with the chairs of HPoA any more, poor souls had no idea what disaster they were up against. After a forced crisis, because all delegates went to coma when asked to raise any motions, they have proven to be absolutely useless. 

Sir Fenderick Harold Stewart, ironic to his name and demeanor, offered bribes to chairs and delegates while unironically asking, “Do you like money?” Perhaps he should invest in a tutor session titled “Dos and don’ts when your government is being threatened to be killed by its citizens.”

When a moderated caucus on the crisis finally began, it promptly morphed into a forgive and forget drama club. In reaction to the committee’s spectacular lack of participation, the chair’s defeated declaration, “This committee is literally in shambles,” felt more like a eulogy.

Delegates resorted to blaming each other, all while the crisis at hand, goes out of hand, as delegates pointed fingers at and at the same time apologised for blunders which has cost them the anger of Australian citizens. Honestly, at this point, the chairs deserve sainthood.

The only delegate who remotely grasped the gravity of the situation was Sir John Greig Latham, who summed up the entire committee in one sentence: “At this rate, we are just suggesting that our parliament is shit.” She nailed it.

From the ruins of parliamentary dignity, where satire writes itself, signing off from HPoA, where the only thing lower than decorum was the delegate count,

Anini Zittu The Onion