Taiping? More Like Timepass Rebellion: Chaos Erupts in Chinese Committee

In what was allegedly a high-level committee session on the Taiping Rebellion, delegates in the Chinese National People’s Congress at GIIS MUN 2025 seemed more focused on breaking historical ground rules than resolving any.

From the get-go, the committee appeared less like a formal simulation of 19th-century imperial governance and more like a group chat gone rogue. Delegates exchanged ideas with such expressiveness that would make Confucius weep, dropping phrases like “homie” and referring to other members of the Qing dynasty as “dog.” Us press delegates are still trying to determine whether we just witnessed the first ever rap battle in MUN history.

One delegate, when asked to follow basic procedure, opted for the heartfelt line, “I want to sit down,” instead of yielding his time to the dais. Another, faced with the very mild inconvenience of writing a note in response to a point of inquiry, sighed, “I don’t wanna write, man,” leaving the chairs and the room in collective confusion. Things truly escalated when Emperor Xianfeng himself decided to assert dominance by casually dropping profanity in his speech – a bold move that promptly shattered whatever formality was left.

However, not all hope was lost. Wei Changhui, a delegate who clearly woke up with both chaos and commitment, delivered impassioned speeches in a Chinese accent so authentic that historians might briefly consider cloning him. His fiery lecture echoed through the halls – until the press spotted him completely barefoot! No shoes, no decorum, no problem.

In conclusion, while the Taiping Rebellion may have been a violent civil war that altered Chinese history, this committee session was mostly a war against structure, vocabulary, and common sense. No resolutions were passed, but multiple sanity checks were failed.

As I like to put it:“It was less Qing Dynasty and more cling to whatever dignity you have left.”

Sally Monelly

The Onion