HUNSC is open to marriage counselling sessions!!

My absolute favourite delegates at HUNSC seem to be having post divorce problems during their must-hear discussions, which very formally and narrowly only include criticizing and apologising to each other. The USSR and Yugoslavia have officially converted the committee room into their personal war-zone of unresolved tension.

USSR, god bless his bitter little soul, has been constantly commented on his criticism of other delegates, but we are very sure the one directed to Yugoslavia means much more. I guess it isn't love, it isn't hate, it's just indifference, with a rather specific choice of words to describe his beloved. His dictionary of loving words and possibly his only words is too precious to reveal,  but we're doing it anyway. “Idiotic” and “Incompotent” are his weapons and lifelines in every session and I guess I see the ‘I’ trend, for his ego is so high, he may be the only person who fits jump off their ego and die. 

Yugoslavia, being the ever collected ex-wife, constantly asked for an apology from the USSR (as if one exists in the USSR’s emotional vocabulary), but her hopes for a diplomatic understanding were brutally shattered, as was her heart, when the USSR went up and announced, “I apologize for nothing”. And why should he? After all, nothing wounds a man more than being asked to publicly admit fault, especially when his pride is as tall as his geopolitical ambitions. Frankly, we’re only shocked that this didn’t end in a case of domestic violence, though judging by the vibe, that’s scheduled for tomorrow.

Honestly, who even cares about the actual island anymore? We’ve got our very own diplomatic reality show going on, and it’s giving everything. Trauma. Tragedy. Possibly a restraining order.

So yes, while the rest of the committee scrambles to solve international crises, our favourite divorcees are out here treating the debate like couple’s therapy with an audience. Priorities.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s episode of red flags and radiation, it will have much more to give. Huge respect to the chairs of this committee, we will be right here to report if you decide you have had too much. 

Anini Zittu,

The Onion