Our Hear-Me-Out; the Delegate of Central African Republic

Ever wondered how the child of Voldemort and Karen Smith would be? I didn't, but yet got to meet the one and only Delegate of the Central African Republic at AU. With the brains of Karen Smith and Voldemort’s delusional hunger for power, but none of the actual influence, he had earned a special spot in my heart, the one reserved for things I remember when I need a good laugh.

If his height is not enough to convince you, his actions would certainly remind you of a toddler in a cape trying to command a room, equal parts tragic and hilarious. Upon the entrance of the beautiful press agency, and the aftermath of the delegate of China being caught sleeping, the delegate stood up to announce, “We do not want  to be the worst over here, the press has that job to do”. Delegate, your act of leadership is truly appreciated, and as an agency which believes in justice and justice only, here is us doing our job at being the absolute worst.

During a GSL Speech, our beloved delegate referred to the African American group as ‘coloured people’. This is exactly what I expected from the AU, being racist to the very people concerned. From an interview with the delegate of Switzerland, and I quote, “As a committee, to refer to them respectfully we call them coloured”,l I guess everyone has different definitions of respect, but we certainly do not believe that being racially abusive is an act of respect. To justify his innocence, she further stated that “the delegate must have been unaware about saying that”. We hope the delegates’ charming habit of being racially tone-deaf at the African Union will soon disappear, because  obviously, everyone loves their unique take on respect.

Our favourite part of the committee session was this delegate's unfamiliarity with one of the main subtopics of the agenda; the sovereignty of member nations. We understand that this delegate must have been much too busy to pay attention to a crucial part of the agenda.  After all, portraying his disdain to the press and the African American group must have  used all his time. When asked to read the Study Guide for facts which must have been gone through previously, the delegate casually replied, ‘I do not have it’. And really, why should he? Who needs a study guide when you’ve got a brain that impressively adept at ignoring facts and common courtesy? 

Yes delegate, this is us being the worst at doing our job, let us know if this article could be made any worse to fit our job profile better.

We all love an enthusiastic delegate in an otherwise slow proceeding committee. Hats off to possibly the youngest, yet one of the most passionate delegates in the committee. 

Anini Zittu

The Onion