Gay Panic!

The delegate of India at WHO, when asked about prioritising pickup-lines over the lives of thousands (no big deal right), has openly confirmed his sexuality, choosing a formal press conference as the perfect moment to come out of the closet. His answer to the question, “choosing between a girl or crisis solutions” was “it was a boy”, and when asked once again to choose between girl/boy or solutions to the agenda, he answered “boy”. Clearly the delegate has set his priorities straight (as straight as they can be). 

A stunned silence followed, not because of the delegate’s sexuality (love is love, obviously), but because this revelation had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that citizens were dying in droves. As the press attempted a follow-up, rephrasing the question — “So, would you pick the boy or actual diplomatic solutions?”,  the delegate proudly replied, “Boy.”

And just like that, centuries of political neutrality, ethical responsibility, and basic human prioritisation were ignored  in favor of a coming out story that nobody saw coming but will definitely remember.  Meanwhile, somewhere in the war-torn zone he was meant to be helping, fires continued to burn. But hey, representation matters.

It is now universally understood that the delegate of India has made his stance loud and clear: love wins, solutions lose. 

However, do not fret delegate. Here at The Onion, we support all forms of representation...even at the price of global peace and health.

Stay safe, stay gay, and don’t cry!

Anini Zittu and Adiddy Upiddly,

The Onion.