Where Global Economics Go to Die (or Dance, Apparently)

In a record-shattering display of procedural obliviousness and theatrics, the ECOSOC committee has now officially voted itself from an economic think tank to what some observers are now calling "an elite improv group with a passing interest in finance."

Delegates from across the globe gathered with the nominal goal of solving pressing global issues yet seemed far more interested in breaking rules, dodging questions, and Googling The Hunger Games during formal sessions. The tone of the day was set not by breakthroughs in diplomacy, but by a novel new disciplinary action: any delegate who used personal pronouns would be punished with an interpretive dance, crafted by the chair and committee. Naturally, the Saudi Arabian delegate stood (and danced) tall to the challenge, soon to be followed by the Brazilian and USA delegates, forming what many are now calling "the unofficial ECOSOC boy band."

Meanwhile, India's delegate presented his own speech by assuming the role of digital distraction personified. Frequently not available for roll call, he was observed engaged in negotiations with his phone screen. He then decided to take matters into his own hands by walking determinedly to the front to present a speech—despite it not being his turn. Visionary or clueless? The jury is still out.

Debate, in the classical sense, made cameo appearances only. With multiple General Speakers List (GSL) speeches that were in direct contradiction of one another, the committee collectively chose to avoid confrontation by simply not taking any Points of Information. Bold move. Adding a final flourish to this performance was the delegate from South Africa, who was armed with their laptop to conduct research on The Hunger Games throughout the session. While the dystopian franchise may offer some insight into committee dynamics, it was irrelevant to the economic agenda at hand.

In conclusion, while ECOSOC hasn't taken a step forward in eliminating global financial inequality, it has certainly raised some new questions—chief among them, "How did we get here?" and "Can someone please read the ROP?" Stay tuned for tomorrow's session, when rumor has it a conga line will form if another delegate says "I" in formal debate.

Hugh Jass

CNN