HNCF, a Committee of Time-Travelers and Racists

Jaws were dropped, and perhaps never picked up, when Georges Danton admitted to being racist towards the crisis actors. When asked by the chair whether he was making racist remarks, this delegate flippantly answered with a ‘yes’.

However, when questioned by the press on why he snidely commented on the ethnicity of the actors, he replied with "I was asking for physical appearances in case it was someone of high ranking.” High-ranking brown Austrians? Yes, very valid indeed. And as for agreeing to being racist? This delegate claimed he only replied with a ‘yes’ because he ‘didn’t want to waste the committee’s time with nonsensical questions. 

Perhaps, Georges Danton’s intellectual ability to support and contradict himself at the same time is beyond any of our understanding. We’re sure he took care of his concern for precious committee time by answering with a lie — a reply that didn’t take any time at all?

In other events, Sabrina Carpenter’s latest album seemed to take precedence over the agenda in HNCF when Maxminn Isnard was caught on 21st century Spotify mid-committee session. Another delegate brought up the possibility of Maxminn Isnard being a time traveler when he argued Maxminn Isnard couldn’t be on spotify, because it doesn’t exist yet. His first defense of choice? A volunteer he personally knows decided to switch his tab.

Maxminn Isnard was later proven to be both a time-traveler and a liar in the press conference when it was revealed in a photo that he had Instagram, Tiktok and other socials that shouldn’t exist in 1792, open in his tabs. He argued the evidence was a product of AI — another program that shouldn’t exist yet.

We press delegates commend this committee’s ability to blatantly lie, but hope that they are more honest in future committee sessions.

Fandin Noora, Misha C. Lani

Xinhua News